By Kesandu Egburonu
The world of marriage is indeed a whole different universe. So many have come out with lessons and tutorials on how to make the “perfect marriage,” but, there really is no man or woman, living or dead, who can truly say he or she has found the perfect formula for the great riddle called “marriage.” At the end of the day, it’s just different strokes for different folks.
Overtime, there has appeared to develop, a pattern, between the western world and Africa as far as this union goes. Africa seem to hitherto hold dear to marital values and remain strong upholders of the marriage phrases, “for better for worse” and “till death do us part.” The Western world, on the other hand, being the self proclaimed “land of the free,” hold a more liberal stance to the union. To the Westerners, marriage isn’t do or die: If it works, fine, but, if it doesn’t, then, everyone moves on. Case closed.
Both of these two worlds and their marriage ideologies have its merits and demerits. In Africa, staying together till the very end through all the quarrels, squabbles and upheavals, epitomizes the saying “winners never quit.” Sometimes, it works and the couples live happily ever after, look back when they are gray-haired and pat themselves on the back for weathering the storm. In other scenarios, though, we’ve heard scary tales, spouse killing partner, battery, assault, domestic violence and, in some cases, death in the marriage.
One could then conveniently say, “aha! That’s why I love the Whites.” “They would have divorced and moved on long before the disaster happened.” I hear you and that posture does have its credits as well, but, yet, we could point to many blissful marriages which initially started like a house on fire, and say, “you see?” “If they had quit, they wouldn’t have gotten to this happy point in their lives.” The argument can swing from left to right, unending, like a pendulum, still, no winner will emerge unscratched. Just like we said, it all boils down to, “different strokes for different folks.”
To those on the side of ‘caution’ and ‘not putting all their chips in one play,’ hearing about the divorce of PSG’s defender, Achraf Hakimi, and his Model wife, Hiba Abouk, must have seen them throwing a party and hailing the footballer for being “smart”, an “alpha male” and whatever other compliments they can readily muster in their arsenal.
Now, for those who may not be conversant with the whole saga that began trending on social media days ago, lets do a little enlightenment before getting back on the train of this story. Hakimi plays for French side, Paris Saint Germain (PSG). In 2020, he got married to Actress and Model, Hiba Abouk.
However, 3 years down the line, in March 2023, she filed for divorce after the star had, earlier, been accused of raping a woman in their matrimonial home. Long and short of the saga, Hakimi is reported to have transferred all of his assets to his mother, leaving Hiba with nothing to get off him in terms of assets sharing. “Wow!” you exclaimed right? Even I haven’t seen that happened in my entire human existence!
While the bulk of the male folks will laud him all day long and tell you how smart he is, pointing at how women have turned marriage divorce into some sort of business these days, while explaining away his action as a form of insurance; majority of the female gender will snap at how conniving, two-timing, treacherous and unloving he is to have carried out such twist, leaving her with nothing. Again, the argument will rage on for years, but, what really are the lessons we can take home from this?
In my take, I will be quick to warn anyone who cares to listen against using any of this couple’s template as their marriage guide. Why? Different strokes for different folks. Hakimi did what he, probably thought served his best interest. Siding with the wife isn’t a better template to adopt either. So, where does that leave you? I say, row your boat across your own river because only you wear the shoes and only you know where it hurts. Don’t make another man or woman your reason to take this or that action on marriage.
Look at things from your own perception and do what best suits your world. Marriage is no walk in the park. It comes with its own rigours, happiness, joy, pain and endless battles, but, your marriage war or bliss is never the same as that of your brother, neigbour or even role model.
You could look to Singer, Tina Turner, for inspiration and point out how she quit her poisonous marriage and how she became better off for it, or, you could look to Celine Dion and her marriage to Rene Angelil—who once mortgaged his house to sponsor Celine’s first album—and say, “that’s who I’m going to emulate.” Whichever one it is, just remain true to yourself and be the Master of your own boat.
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