By Bolatito Adebayo
In my university days, there were many girls then who never slept in their beds for many months. They were practically living with their boyfriends; they cooked, cleaned and warmed their beds all throughout their days in the university. When these girls broke up with their boyfriends, they were back in their rooms and when they made up with these boyfriends or found new boyfriends, they moved out again.
This unhealthy search for love keeps happening because many of these women lack self-love and self-esteem.
They can’t do without being with someone at every point in their life. They keep searching for love at the wrong places.
These women believe that a woman’s worth is related to her ability to keep a home. They believe that a man won’t marry a woman if she doesn’t cook and clean for him.
But the truism isn’t true, there are many women that I know that are happily married who didn’t have to prove that they could cook and clean very well.
Why do you have to keep investing your emotions and totality based on an assumption?
He has not even talked about marriage, let alone giving you a ring and you have moved in with him.
I think the level of your involvement in each other’s lives shouldn’t exceed the level of commitment. Stop being foolish! You are not a wife yet. Stop treating your boyfriend like he is your husband.
Until there is a promise of a lifelong commitment then you have to treat him as a boyfriend. This is the only way you can keep your heart safe. Don’t get into a traumatic divorce when you are not even married to him. One of the reasons he is not marrying you is because he is already getting all the benefits of having a wife for free. That is why he has been dating you for ten years or engaged you for five years without plans of marrying you soon.
Courtship should be enjoyed, stop slaving away trying to prove you are a wife material. He should take you out to fancy dinners and not waste away doing his laundry.
Get to know him instead, ask questions about his job and what he enjoys doing. Take your time to assess his character and not the size of his penis. Observe him in different contexts, like work, home, leisure and ask your friends what they think about him.
Set boundaries and carry it on to your marriages. I understand a relationship needs compromises but be sure that what you are giving up isn’t going to hurt you.
Moreover, if he really loves you, he will want the best for you and he will take care of you. Aunty, shine ya eye!
Never think you can use money, sex and house chores to convince him to marry you. It is called a courtship not competition. Remember, you are only a girlfriend! So, act that part!
