By Kesandu Egburonu
Growing up, I did pageboy for many couples in their wedding ceremonies. At some point, I could boast of being the poster boy for many marriages. Maybe because I was forthright and bold even as a kid, I, somehow, got selected. I watched from close quarters as couples tied the knot and did the “you may kiss your bride” thing. I didn’t tell my mom, for fear of being scolded, but the kissing part was my surely favourite part. I always looked forward to it.
I remember how weekends used to be filled with weddings after weddings, much more than we have today. From church to church, event hall to event hall, suits and white wedding gowns saturated the place. Those were the good old days—when things were done the proper way. You would see the woman you love and wish to settle down with, take her to your parents and ask for their blessings, take her down the aisle before even talking about getting her pregnant and having children. That was the proper sequence and the right way of life.
These days, we have what we refer to as the ‘gen zee’ generation. These ones have developed the shortcut for every seemingly tedious task. Sadly, they’ve extended this shortcut approach to marriage. No longer do we see weddings being done hitherto. It has now become a case of, girlfriend her, impregnate her and then have a child. The act has coined the word, ‘baby mama’–women who have children for men outside wedlock. It is no longer a shameful act, but one perpetuated left, right and center and a normalcy in today’s world.
A friend once asked me why I haven’t fathered a child. I reminded him that I needed to get married, first. He laughed and told me I wasn’t getting any younger and should get a girl pregnant fast so he can come dine at my child’s naming ceremony. The casual way he put it, like it was the new normal, had me startled. Values have dropped and our once highly esteemed culture has dropped to new low heights. The high standards we once held ourselves to have been trashed in the bin.
It even gets worse when you see even married couples having kids for other people outside the marriage institution. Wow. What a day to be a human. I’ve seen husbands, in their search for a son, have baby mamas outside their homes. Even the ones who have both gender in kids still have baby mamas. This is definitely not what I grew up learning. A whole new world this is.
Owing to this, the once sought after and glorious institution called “marriage” has lost its worth mightily. There are those who will tell you they are not ready to bear the cost of traditional and church weddings. “Why bear all that cost when I can just have a child with some woman?” they’d ask. I’ve tried seeing logic and reason in this, but, maybe due to my beliefs, I end up finding none.
This new phenomenon is now having a ripple effect on our children. It is not just any effect, but a seriously negative one at that. It is no coincidence that the number of vices and crimes have greatly increased in today’s society. It is simply because the first institution, marriage, is greatly suffering. Ideally, it ought to be ‘Father,’ ‘Mother’ and ‘Children.’ The essence of it being that the Father and Mother join two heads together (which the saying agrees is better than one), while the children are subjected to the able guidance of both and grow in the proper way of life. Since the 2 heads have now been replaced by just 1, it creates a handicap situation and one that adversely affects the boy and girl child.
This baby mama phenomenon and the slow death of marriage is not the only rising decay. By extension, this decay continues in the offspring of these replacement unions and the society suffers as well from this moral decadence. It is fast becoming a cycle and one that is being adopted everyday.
I will mince no words in stating, unequivocally, that this issue of baby mama is in no way a normalcy, but rather, a circumvention of the normal laid down principle of marriage. We need to enlighten people and point out the many dangers of adopting this shortcut. It is not ideal and poses many risks to the adopters and the offspring thereof. Let sanity return and let us, once again, embrace our good values and morals that once made our world more habitable for everyone.
