By Bolatito Adebayo
“My journey to hell began when I met Dan about twelve years ago. I met him at a party organized by my cousin, and he was a charmer. Few months later I realized I was pregnant. He was ecstatic that he was going to be a father and we got married. One day, he came home drunk and after arguing he punched me in the stomach. I ended up in the hospital, but the baby was fine and then the punches never stopped.
Now we have 4 children and I have no job. I have been trying to get out of this abusive marriage because many times he has threatened to kill me and bury me in a golden casket, but I can’t because of my children. I can’t care for them all by myself.” —Adenike.
Constant quarrelling between parents is modelling bad behavior in front of your children and this can be unnerving to the kids. If your marriage isn’t working and you have tried all you could to save it, walk away especially if your life is threatened. No marriage is worth dying for. Your children are better off if you are alive than when you are six feet below.
Truth be told, walking away from a messy marriage isn’t a walk in the park but one of the ways things can be easier for you is getting financially freedom and birthing only the number of children you can independently raise.
Every woman should understand these, even when things are going on well.
Love can be overwhelming, yet makes you feel complete. I understand how you feel. He is the only stable force in a world filled with chaos.
I am very familiar with all these and I am also saying that even when you are feeling all on top of the world, you should also try and think clearly.
During courtship, talk these things through. If he wants five children, insist on two. If your income can finance two young kids, then stick to that.
What really baffles me is that some women know how bad their marriages are and they still go ahead to have more children.
Do you think having more children will make an irresponsible man responsible?
How can you have five children for a man who beats you?
Does the beating turn you on and make sex steamier?
This is repulsive.
Unfortunately, our society has done more harm than good to the girl child. Our girls are not brought up with sense of individuality. They are all programmed for marriage and childbearing immediately they are born.
Dear Nigerian women, I think it is high time you took control of your bodies. Make up your mind about the number of children you want and don’t let anyone manipulate you, especially if you have an irresponsible husband.
If you are married to a good man, you are exempted but you need to agree with him on this. Moreover, even if he is a good man there is no point having too many children. Let no one manipulate or coerce you to have babies you can’t care for. Having babies every year won’t tie him down. Having more children won’t change him.
Stop allowing low lives to toss you around; don’t let them violate you violently because you are financially handicapped. Be financially independent so that you will be able to freely exercise choices in a bad marriage and protect your children as you should.
